Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

Using true to life stories (an amalgam of others experiences) it leads the addict through a gentle path of understanding through to ways of moving forward to healing.

In addition to the addict themselves, it casts light on the role of the "co-dependent" - (this can be partner, spouse, parent or any other family member whose life has been bound up to that of the addict) and explains in simple language how this has occurred and what to do about it.

One small complaint about the writing style is that there are some dull clinical parts - the author is, after all a clinician - and it does become a bit repetitive at times.

Having said that, if you feel you might be a sex-addict or in a close bond with one, then this is a great starting point for healing the addiction and the co-dependency.

Thank you for reading this review, I hope you find it helpful and true to the book when you read it for yourself.


A helpful insight into the mind of a sex addict   April 6, 2002
 6 out of 9 found this review helpful

I am now divorced from my husband who is still a sex addict. This book has helped me understand the how and why of his behaviour. It does contain quite a bit of jargon, and many of the case studies are extreme, but it fails to address the spouse's feelings and views on the addiction. Patrick covers co-addiction, but not all family members and spouses go through that process. A useful book, if somewhat clinical.


Carnes is able to get right inside the addicts head.   February 3, 1999
 20 out of 22 found this review helpful

Carnes has completely captured the mind of the sexual addict in minute detail. Disecting each and every action and thought explaining the reasons for and behind the behavior. For 22 years I lived and was married to a sexual addict and didn't know. I was in total denial. Finding out was the biggest shock and not knowing what to do. I was fortunate enough to be told about Patrick Carnes' book. I purchased the book online (so I wouldn't suffer the embarrassment of asking for it in a bookstore) and couldn't put it down. To be able to understand in a small way the "why" of my husbands behavior allows me to not feel so guilty or in some way responsible for his behavior. I never thought a book on this subject could be called fascinating--but it is just that. Each and every paragraph had something in it that hit home. He completely is able to analyze this behavior and explain the reasons without making the addict or co-addict feel less of a person. Although my husband and I are separated, I plan on passing this book on to him as he feels he can't beat this addiction. I am hoping this book will help him as it did me, to understand.


A Classic for the Newcomer and Significant Others   December 12, 1998
 14 out of 16 found this review helpful

I am a professional psychotherapist and have been treating sexual addiction for over 11 years. For all of this time, I have recommended this book as a starting point for understanding the addiction-for both the addict and co-addict. It is a good idea to read this book prior to starting therapy, or as an adjunct to a self-help recovery program. If you are unsure if you, or a loved one, suffers from this addiction, this book will help answer that question.


Excellent, broad introduction to mind of the sex addict.   November 16, 1998
 8 out of 10 found this review helpful

"Out of the Shadows" offers an introduction to and an exploration of the profile, behaviors and motivations of the sex addict. Whether the addiction is to porngraphy and its many incarnations or actual, physical sex, this book provides a very insightful look at the secrecy, deception and compulsion that the addict will use to advance and hide his behaviors. While this addiction is not unique to men, for a woman who suspects or knows that the man with whom she is involved may be or is a sex addict, Carnes' book provides insightful and probing case studies of sexual addictions. This book will help the addict, or those in relationship with an addict, have a better understanding of this distructive and painful path.