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Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap

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Author: Bryn C. Collins
Publisher: Contemporary Books Inc
Category: Book

List Price: ~~Ł15.95~~
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Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars

10 reviews
Sales Rank: 3005

Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 304
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1
Dimensions (in): 8.8 x 5.9 x 0.9

ISBN: 0809229145
Dewey Decimal Number: 152
EAN: 9780809229147
ASIN: 0809229145

Publication Date: March 11, 1998
Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days
Shipping: International shipping available
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Customer Reviews: Read 5 more reviews...

5 out of 5 stars

Nice to have someone explain you're not bonkers July 9, 2008
I don't know about you, but being in a relationship with someone who's "emotionally unavailable" can have you wondering about your own sanity. Whenever you try to explain your feelings things somehow become twisted with the result being you end up confused and doubting your own senses. Having been with someone like this for a very long time, this book finally gave me the insight I needed to understand what was happening. I've read a few books like this, without much success, but this one I couldn't put down. I very much recommend it as it really is on your side and will help you clear your mind.

3 out of 5 stars

A curate's egg: good in parts May 7, 2008
9 out of 9 found this review helpful

Fundamentally, this is an interesting and useful book, because it provides a very descriptive overview of the personality types that are emotionally unavailable. My problem with it, however, is that there are better books on this subject available.

When we encounter relationship issues that seem as inexplicable as they are frustrating, we need help in understanding the true nature of the problem. Often, we also need to see that a partner's dysfunctional behaviour may have nothing to do with us. So this book does a good job of explaining what you're up against. In that sense, it will make many people feel a lot better and stop them blaming themselves for something that isn't their fault.

While many, if not all, of the personality types listed exist in some form or another, the reality is that you cannot categorize everyone who exhibits certain character flaws into a set range of groups. It is too simplistic. In the final analysis, this classification only helps you understand the problems rather than providing effective strategies for dealing with them.

What you may really need is help on is evaluating the seriousness of the flaws we are exposed to. What often motivates people us to read books such as this is the need to determine whether a relationship can be salvaged or whether, for our own sake, we need to cut and run. The danger of the generalised profiles in this book is that they can lead us to form an exaggerated perception of flaws we encounter, or, conversely, to normalise behaviour that is totally unacceptable. So, don't rely on it alone.

When we are the victims of unreasonable behaviour, we need to evaluate whether the perpetrator has one of three things:
1. A character flaw or psychosis that can relatively easily be addressed through therapy
2. A true personality disorder that may or may not be helped by sustained therapy over time
3. Serious mental illness that may never be overcome

At the end of the day, we're all human, so we're all flawed to a lesser or greater degree. So what this book fails to provide an adequate continuum of behaviours across each personality type in order to help you evaluate the extent of certain the seriousness of certain signatures behaviors.

I wish the book did more to help the reader address the problems. For instance, what are effective communication techniques to engage someone with serious issues? How should you set and maintain boundaries in such situations? What is an appropriate response to unacceptable behaviour? Another minor gripe is that this book seems aimed more at women than men. But men can equally be the victims of emotionally unavailable women.

I don't want to be too hard on this book, because it has much to offer. Above all, it could be the catalyst you need to start taking control of a difficult relationship problem instead of being a victim.

5 out of 5 stars

A must read before any relationship October 24, 2007
1 out of 1 found this review helpful

EVERY WOMEN WHO'S LOOKING TO FIND LOVE WITH THE RIGHT MAN, READ THIS TO AVOID FINDING LOVE WITH MR WRONG AND THEN HEARTACHE! SPOT AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN AND MOVE ON, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. THIS BOOK IS SOOO TRUE!!!
If you always end up dating Mr Wrong with a break-up in the end... then this is a must read. Stop blaming yourself, you are not the problem. These people don't even know they are emotionally unavailable. Sadly sometimes you come across them, end up dating them, fall in love then end up with a break-up. Why? I have found the answers to stop blaming myself. If you think you are one of those people that are emotionally unavailable, this book is a help too.

5 out of 5 stars

a revealing and useful read August 15, 2006
38 out of 38 found this review helpful

I'm pretty sceptical about American self help books, but the reader reviews looked good so on impulse I bought. I am so pleased I did. As I expected I recognised my ex, but unexpectedly also recognised myself which has made me look again at my current relationship. Even better, I tried using her 'emotional language' on my teenage children with great results - peace and goodwill reign at home. The book is non-judgemental and recognises that all human behaviour is on a sliding scale with no one being perfect. There are lots of techniques to help people communicate better; some are a bit cringe-making, but at least she recognises that. Overall, an interesting and easy - but not simplistic - read that I've already found really useful, which is why it gets 5 stars.

5 out of 5 stars

Worth its weight in Gold?! June 25, 2006
32 out of 34 found this review helpful

I have just completed reading this book as part of a research project in communication. It stands as a beacon amongst what now appears like a mass of mediocrity. Now, as I approach my mid-fifties - I can identify so much within this book - where I suffered whilst emotionally awakening during my thirties - where those closest to me have/are still suffering with their isolation - where I am still experiencing difficulties in being truly there for those close to me (and myself). It is very easy to read and will captivate your interest from cover-to-cover.